Saturday, July 15, 2017

"A Rock and a Hard Place"

I used to use that phrase all the time ... "It looks like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Recently, La Petite Belle looked at me and said, "Mama, that's my whole life."
She's right. How true this statement is.
Now, she says it every time we get bad news. She looks at me with that sassy expression and says, "Well, Mama ... it looks like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Each time we think the rock may be moving, it crushes us once again.
We are trapped again. Unable to move.
At times, unable to breathe.
Despite how hard we push, the rock barely moves.

Exhaustion sets in.
We're tired.
All of us.
From pushing the rock.
From having the hard place up against our back.

My husband constantly reminds me that we have no control over our life right now, over La Petite Belle's health. The only thing we can control is how we respond to what we're facing.
Do we respond with faith?
Do we respond with fear?
Do we respond with doubt?
Do we respond with complete surrender?

I have to be honest. I don't always respond the right way. 
I've been angry. I've been sad beyond belief, a brokenness I never thought I'd experience ... total despair. I've definitely been scared.

Then, my husband again becomes the voice of comfort when he reminds me that, no matter what happens, La Petite Belle will always be okay. He says, over and over, "She wins!" 
He's right. She will always win.
She wins because she has lived her life desiring only to serve God.
She has lived her life loving God with all her heart.
Many people have expressed how much she has been an inspiration to them in their faith, but she has been an even greater inspiration to us as her parents. I don't even think "inspiration" is the right word. It's much deeper than that.
(She had no idea I was recording this video, as she asked me to play this song on repeat. She sang the words each time, half asleep, half awake, many drugs in her system.)

As we sit here, stuck, once again in this place, we just have to keep trusting. God knows best. He loves her more than we can imagine. He's a good Father and His plans for her and us are always good.

That's not a hard thing to say or believe. He is always good. I have no doubt about that. But, it still hurts my heart when I remind myself of this because my idea of "plans for good" don't look like this. It's hard for me to understand, but that's what trusting in God is all about ... not understanding His ways, knowing they're good, and trusting Him anyway.

We've been through multiple setbacks since I've last posted. Things change so quickly that I can't even keep up with posting updates. And, honestly, a lot of times, I don't want to post an update. I want to post good updates, updates of improvements and victories. I don't want to post updates involving bad news.

Instead of posting an update, with an overload of details of the challenges our girl is facing, I'm just going to ask you to keep praying for a breakthrough for us and God's best for La Petite Belle.
Thank you, once again, for standing with us!
If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, 
All gifts are tax deductible. All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.


Anonymous said...

I have followed your beautiful blog. I prayed, and fasted for the whole family. It reminds me of a beautiful song Richard sings. "MOM" One of the last verse says, your mom loves you so much. Her job is to put her sweet Katie Mac on the right path,leads her back to ME!

Chipparoo said...

We praise Him in good times and bad.
We look forward to that time when we will all see each other, face to face, with Him.