Friday, December 9, 2016

Jeans and Life

I have a pile of jeans, folded up, at the bottom of my closet, that I can't wear anymore.

Yeah ... sucks.

In a raging, mad fit, I frantically tried them ALL on just to get it over with and face the truth.
The truth is I don't look the same.
The truth is I've gained weight.
The fact is my hips have gotten wider and my tummy has gotten plumper.
It's what happens sometimes when life is hard.
It's sad and depressing to me, but I try not to be too hard on myself.

I have three pair of jeans that I struggle to get into when I have to leave the house. Yes, there's always the leggings option, but I'm a proponent of having a long enough shirt to cover my butt when in leggings. Well, as luck would have it, none of my shirts are long enough anymore. So, tight jeans it is!

It seems to be the perfect picture of how my life is right now.

It's uncomfortable just like those jeans.
Trying to get them on is definitely a struggle. 
But, I have to put them on, one leg at a time each day.
Throughout the day, those jeans freaking hurt. 
This life hurts right now, at so many unexpected times all day long.
But, I have to wake up each day and live it.

Yes, it still hurts.
You'd think I'd be used to all this by now.
But, as long as your child feels sick or is hurting, your hurting doesn't stop.

I'm trying to adjust.
Adjust to the fit of those tight jeans.
Adjust to the fit of this unfamiliar life.
Adjust to how my heart aches each day.
Adjust to not knowing the future.
Adjust to living a life with no plans.
Adjust to living life day-by-day, moment-by-moment.

I am thankful for some good moments lately for La Petite Belle.

We are noticing that there's a good three to four hours during the day where La Petite Belle feels okay. We try to take advantage of those moments. Those moments give us hope that there will be days ahead when those hours are extended to twelve, eighteen, and, finally, twenty-four hours a day.

Eventually, I'm hoping to be comfortable in all my jeans again. That's gonna take work and planning on my part. But, I believe I will get there again one day. It's just gonna take some time. I just have to be patient and cut myself some slack.

The same goes for my life, our life.
We will adjust. It will feel okay again. It will feel "normal" again some day. 
It's just gonna take some time. We have to cut ourselves some slack.

Life changes.
We have to change with it.
People may claim that they don't change. That's a complete fallacy.
People HAVE to change. It's called growing and maturing.
Embrace it. Don't fight it. Life requires it.

I'm trying not to mourn and grieve the loss of our old lives, but to move forward with what we've been given. I'm working even harder to not mourn or grieve the loss of the "normal" life my daughter is missing out on right now. That's the hardest. It's what makes me the most angry. I pray each day that God would restore everything that has been stolen from her.

Thank you for continuing to pray for La Petite Belle's healing to be complete. Pray for complete healing throughout her gut, her kidney recovery, her strength, and overall peace in her mind and spirit.

If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here:  All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.