I have written before that I DO NOT believe that "everything happens for a reason". I have also written about how I don't ask "why" anymore.
There really are no answers when hard things happen in our lives.
We WANT there to be answers, so we search for meaning. Obviously, there HAS to be a reason for everything that happens, right? Wrong. Life happens. God is always in control. And, the "meaning" comes from how we handle the journey. The "meaning" comes from the choices we make as we seek an all-powerful God to lead us and help us navigate the bumpy, winding road. God always shows up. He will never leave us stranded.
That's where we find ourselves today ... stranded ... like an old, broken-down car on the side of the road. We are broken, out of fuel, hoping to get back on the road again. The road of life for us lately has been filled with huge potholes and we've ended up at very unfamiliar destinations.
We continue to press on, but our hearts are quite broken over the loss of Beau's new job. Yes, he lost his job. We honestly thought we had found a new home with new family and friends ... a new home for our baby girl once she leaves this hospital. I am in total shock over the situation.
I'll let Beau's Facebook post speak for us:
I have been steadily employed full-time since 1995. This past Saturday, that all changed. I will not go into detail as to what happened, to protect the dignity of all involved, so please don’t ask. Suffice it to say, I was doomed from the start.
I do still have a part-time contract job that I am doing for a wonderful church in the area.
I am low, hurt, and confused. I want to be the best husband, daddy, and provider I can be, and the admiration of my family means everything to me.
I am mostly hurting, because, while I’ve been at work, I’ve left the majority of the heavy lifting of Katie’s care to my wife. Yesterday was an eye-opening wake-up call as to what all is required in the day-to-day. I spent a good part of the day in tears. I had to apologize to Daphne for leaving her with this task as I went off to try to “create a life” for us.
But I’ve realized that our life is with our daughter in the hospital, and so I have decided to not pursue full-time employment for a while, so that I can help take care of Katie. We have some money set aside, so we will just depend on that for a while.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. They mean the world to us. Pray for me, specifically, to have clear direction, as a man, as a husband, and as a father. I am completely heartbroken over this.
We love you all. I love you all.
So, unfortunately, we are back to square one.
We are thankful ... yep ... thankful for a few things:
1. The part-time job Beau has
2. Money we had saved up, plus generous donations
3. God's grace
Yes, I see this as God's grace. I know that He's guiding us. We earnestly seek Him for direction. I don't know what the future holds, but He does. So, I will trust that this happened because of His grace and protection. Why it happened this way?? ... No idea. It doesn't make sense to me. Nothing much does anymore, but I trust Him to continue to provide and guide us.
Where do we go from here?
Again, no idea.
We were so close to looking at homes to purchase in the area near this new job. We looked at neighborhoods, schools, etc. Now, where we will live is a mystery. Day by day, day by day ... breathe.
As far as our precious girl goes, we are actually out of the ICU. YES! Imagine that?! We were in our 8th week there. A room finally became available on the 8th floor ... actually the room we've spent the most time in. La Petite Belle has made some great strides and is as tenacious as ever.
She has been amazing in working with physical therapy. She is sitting up for longer periods each day and I can tell that she is getting stronger. Physical therapy is very painful for her, but she has been able to push past it and does even more than they ask. According to PT, La Petite Belle has a lot of rehab to go through before she can get out of the hospital. As of last week, they said it will probably be another 2-3 months before she's strong enough to leave the hospital. But, the way she's pushing through more and more each day, I'm thinking she will surprise them all like she always does.
While she still continues to have some nausea and stomach pain, her GVHD is better. We pray that it continues to improve more and more each day. The doctors continue to wean her steroids and other meds and have actually discontinued quite a bit of them. They were also able to take her off her intravenous nutrition, which greatly lowered the volume she was getting, allowing her to get off of continuous dialysis.
Our most pressing issue is still her kidneys. She continues to not make any urine, but they have transferred her over to intermittent dialysis. Instead of the 24-hour dialysis, she now gets 4-hour dialysis 4 days a week.
The renal doctor told us not to be "too hopeful" about her kidneys recovering. Well, that's not gonna happen. We WILL remain hopeful. Hope is literally all we have.
Like the old hymn says ...
My hope is found in nothing less than Jesus Christ, my righteousness, I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name ...
So, yes, I will choose hope despite what anyone says or what we may see right now. I choose hope. Choose hope with us.
Thank you for continuing to pray and believe with us! We appreciate all your support and love.
If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here: www.gofundme.com/Katieg. All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.