Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Waiting is exhausting.

My entire day is centered around waiting.

I wake up and wait.
I wait until the time I go to bed.
Then, I wake up and do the same thing all over again.

I wait on doctors.

I wait on procedures. 

I wait on tests. 

I wait on results.

I wait on good news.

I wait on a breakthrough.

I wait for a good day.

I wait for healing.

It is exhausting.

Even when I sleep, I wake up exhausted.
My eyes hurt.
My body is tired despite the fact that I sit all day.
I sit and wait.

I always knew waiting was never easy. This is not the first time I've had to wait in my life. Waiting just seems to be a part of life ... a huge part of life. I just never knew how much it could consume your life.

Obviously this whole process has aged me. I look in the mirror and don't recognize who I see. I'm tired and old. Each day seems to age me six months.

I gave a couple of doctors the death stare when they each said how tired I looked after I had actually gotten a pretty good night's sleep. "You look tired" should be a phrase stricken from the English language. No one ever wants to hear it even if they are tired.

I've been so thankful for some good nights of uninterrupted sleep and a few hours to get a break out of the hospital each day thanks to my parents being here. It's been incredible having help. I always knew having someone here to help would have been huge, but now that I've had it for a few weeks, I'm convinced it's vital. Sad thing is that my parents leave tomorrow and I'm back to doing the majority of this hospital stuff on my own since Beau has to work. Thinking of my parents being gone just made me even more tired.

La Petite Belle is tired, more tired than ever. She's been stuck in ICU for almost a month. Her spirits are pretty low. She's sad and feels isolated from everyone, even her "8th floor family" (as she called them). Lying in bed for almost a month in the same room can be quite depressing. She continues to work with physical therapy when she can and definitely needs to build her strength back up to get out of the bed.

Her kidneys are what's keeping us here in ICU. Until they show that they are gonna step back up and do their job, I have no idea when we'll leave. She is currently off the CRRT (24-hour dialysis) and has been tolerating intermittent dialysis daily (3-4 hours). The renal team is still discussing what the next step will be for her. Ultimately, the goal is that her kidneys would wake up and get to business and dialysis could be less often, and then for her to not need it at all. But, as of right now, we have to wait. There's no knowing when her kidneys will recover. We're praying and hoping for that to happen soon!

We are waiting for that breakthrough that will send us back to the 8th floor and the even bigger breakthrough that will send us home.

I'm hanging on to this Scripture and trusting the Lord for strength to just get through each day:
Those who wait on the Lord (trust in Him) will find new strength.  Isaiah 40:31a

We continue to pray with La Petite Belle and encourage her each day.

She received this precious prayer blanket from a church back in Lafayette.

Each ribbon represents prayers said for her. It lies on her bed and so many nurses and employees say how pretty it is. When they mention the blanket, she says, "You can say a prayer if you want." Of course, they all do ... some out loud, some silently. La Petite Belle continues to express her faith, even in her weakest moments. She's even got the nurses praying! Whether they pray on a regular basis or not, she doesn't care. It's interesting to see the expressions on people's faces when she says they can say a prayer and tie a ribbon. Sweet girl.

Thank you for continuing to pray and stand with us. #PrayForKatieMac

If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here: www.gofundme.com/Katieg.  All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.