I've often wondered why it's called "Good" Friday. It's the day Jesus was tortured, nailed to the cross, and died. I mean, I get it. It was for OUR good ... the good of all mankind. But, the Father God had to have been hurting on that day.
I can't compare our current situation with that of Jesus and the Father, but I have tiny glimpses of what He had to have felt. To watch His Son go through such agonizing pain had to have been torturous for Him, too. For His Son to ask Him to take the pain away if He could, and the Father to simply not be able to do that, had to have also been devastating for the Father's heart.
La Petite Belle has stripes on her back ... literal stripes. Her back looks like she's been clawed by a bear. The high-dose steroids she has been on have wrecked her skin. She had the MOST BEAUTIFUL skin ... the best in the family, that smooth, dark complexion. K Belle was always envious of it.
Every time I look at her back, I think of what Jesus went through to purchase her very healing.
I also think of what the Father saw and how He felt.
Just as it breaks my heart to see her in pain, I know it broke His. The difference is that He saw the bigger picture. I do not. In fact, I don't see ANYTHING but what today holds. I have no clue what tomorrow or the next day, week, or months hold.
I know there is a plan and I'm just trying to trust in it. I'm just trying to surrender to a Holy God who knows way more than I do. I'm just trying to focus on who He is and what He says about us.
While I am thankful for the steroids, which have put her GVHD at bay, I hate everything else they have done ... the bleeding ulcer, the dark, red marks on her body, the high blood pressure, the high blood sugar, the insulin shots, not to mention the mental anxiety. There's probably more things I'm forgetting.
This "Good" Friday we spend in the hospital.
This Easter we spend in the hospital.
(our view of MD Anderson from our window)
But, as she lies here in the bed, I can't help to think about this being the day that Jesus paid for her healing. This is it.
Despite what I see and the things that are going on, He paid for it. There's no doubt about it. When her body will line up with that fact is beyond me. I'm ready for it for sure. We all are.
This weekend, I will continue to reflect on Jesus' death on the cross and all that He went through, not only for humanity to finally be in communion with God the Father again, but specifically for humanity to be healed and whole.
And included in humanity is our sweet daughter who continues to fight for this healing.
I have no idea what today holds. Each day is so unpredictable. One day, she seems much better, and the next day, she takes a nose dive and we seem to take a step backwards.
There has been actual talk all week about trying to get us discharged by March 31st. Whether that will actually happen or not is the question. She is not as far along in the healing process as everyone expected her to be today. She had a huge drop in hemoglobin yesterday so the search is on for where all that bleeding is coming from, yet again. She had actually been holding on to her blood counts pretty well after the other scare a couple of weeks ago. We seemed to definitely be on our way out.
I'm trying not to lose hope that it could still be a possibility. It could happen. But, also trying not to be filled with disappointment at the thought of another full week or more here.
Thank you for continuing to faithfully stand with us, praying and believing for La Petite Belle's FULL recovery and healing. Also, pray that she would be able to quickly gain her strength back. She has become very weak during the months we've been here, and she hasn't felt very well each time physical therapy has come around. Pray for all bleeding to continue to subside, her counts to remain stable, no infections, no more nausea, no more pain. I know I've said this before but ... enough is enough.
If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here: www.gofundme.com/Katieg. All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.