Monday, February 22, 2016

When Life Forces You To Do the Hard Stuff

Sometimes life just leaves you no choice. It forces you to make decisions you never thought you'd have to make.

That's what's happened with us.

Although we know our steps are ordered by God, it didn't make this decision any easier. Although we trust God, this was still very hard.

Last week, my husband resigned from the church we've been serving in for fourteen years. Furthermore, we leave behind a pastor/spiritual father/friend whose we've served for over 25 years. We did not take this decision lightly. Beau has accepted a position at a church close to Houston. The move for us is out of necessity, not out of a desire to leave our hometown. Quite the contrary ... we LOVE our hometown, the relationships we've built over the years, and the church we've served at and our girls have grown up in.

There have been lots of tears. But, we know it is what we have to do for our family and that God has lined this out for us. The way it all panned out was just too good to be true. But, this still didn't make saying good-bye any easier.

We've made some incredible friendships in Lafayette ... friendships that I hope will last a lifetime no matter the distance. I get teary again even thinking about the friends I'm not going to see on a regular basis anymore.

I literally feel like my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces only because broken in half just doesn't describe all the heartache in this past year.

The only way I can describe how I feel right now, at this moment, is beat up, bruised, and broken. Just when I think I'm numb to the pain, here comes more hurt and more tears.

Exhaustion has set in. Two to three hours of sleep each night is just not cutting it. We all need rest.

We know this is where God is leading us right now. There are so many emotions and I am trying not to let all the thoughts and worries in my head to consume me.

This past week has been extremely tough on us. La Petite Belle is in excruciating pain. I can't even begin to describe how hard this is. There have been days where La Petite Belle has screamed and cried in pain for long periods of time ... begging me to help her when there's nothing else I can do. This virus is really taking it's toll on her body. She is getting all the pain medication she can get right now, but nothing really relieves her pain. The doctors are hoping that her immune system will start to kick in more, so she can start fighting it and get some relief this week. Her immune system has been so suppressed to cure the GVHD that viruses already in her body are starting to rise up and attack. As I write this, she just got over a huge emotional breakdown, asking to talk to the doctors, begging for something to give her relief. Because this is a pediatric hospital and she is considered a pediatric patient, there are pain medications that are not approved for her age, despite the fact she's the size of an adult. Crazy. But, her brain is still developing and a lot of the adult drugs are just not safe.

I have many days where I still can't believe this is happening and how our life has so drastically changed. Hard to believe our home now is Texas Children's Hospital. And, that when we do finally get out of here, we won't be going back to Louisiana, but to somewhere else yet to be determined in Houston to start a new life. I never thought I'd be starting over again at my age.

Please pray for relief for our girl, specifically that this BK virus would be gone from her system, that her body would fight it. Enough is enough. She's gone though so much already. Pray for the GVHD to stay under control and just keep improving. Pray for wisdom and guidance for the doctors. And, lastly, pray for us ... guidance and peace. Thank you for praying and believing for La Petite Belle's complete healing with us!

If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here:  All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses.


Sharon Rundall said...

I know that this is a very difficult time for you and your family but we are standing in agreement with you that God CAN and WILL heal your baby girl. Moving away from your home and your Christian support group and family to a new place with a limited support base must be unimaginable and painful, especially when you have a sick child too. I hope that my city, Houston, will welcome you with open arms and show you that Texans are warm, wonderful, loving people with BIG hearts. Please reach out to us as we have been and continue to be where you are right now. Our grandson has been a patient at Texas Children's Bone Marrow Unit for over a year. His parents have been right where you are at this time. They both had to quit their jobs and move to Houston to get treatment for their baby. They have lived off the generosity of complete strangers and have received help and support that they will never be able to repay.
This is my prayer for you and your family today as you face the difficult days ahead.
Dear Lord,
You are good. And You are good at being God. We want to process life through the absolute assurance of Your love for us instead of the tangled places of our hearts. Therefore, instead of thinking “If You love us so much, why would You let this happen?” We going to flip our mindset to be “You love us so much therefore we trust why You’re allowing this to happen.” We trust You. We trust Your plan, Father. It may be hard, but we'd rather be close to You through a thousand difficult moments than apart from You in a thousand good ones.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

sara said...

Sharon's prayer above is BEAUTIFUL and I am praying that very prayer for you this morning and continue to pray for your daughter's complete healing. ((hugs))