Monday, August 17, 2015

Life stands still.


People ask me how I'm doing or what something like this feels like. The best way to explain it is that my life has stopped.

When horrible things happen in your life, it seems like time is literally standing still.

It's a place no one wants to be. It hurts. You feel trapped. It's hard to think about what's ahead. And, honestly you don't really care about what's ahead. Thinking that far in advance just becomes overwhelming, so you avoid it. At least I do.

As I sit writing this, I hear the drip of Morphine from my daughter's pump as she clicks that button over and over and over again. Knowing how much pain she's in is literally the most heart-breaking thing I have ever experienced.

Life stands still while everyone else moves on. Everyone else moves forward in their lives. And, we are left behind in this spot, in this place, trapped in this moment.

It seems like everyone around you is moving at high speed, racing ahead of you and around you like a whirlwind. But, you can't move. You're paralyzed. You want to scream, "WAIT! Hold up! Wait for me!" But, you're just left behind.

I know that there is a way out. I know that it will come. But, right now, it's hard to see.

People will comment and send me messages about how good it's going to be afterward. That is a constant. But, I do wish that people would also realize that they don't have to say that. I know that there will be relief at some point, that God will sustain us, that God will use this for good. But, I'd almost rather people say, "I know this sucks! I hate this for you," than "Everything is gonna be ok."

I know that everything will be ok, but that doesn't make it suck right now. Because it REALLY sucks right now.

Just because you're a Christ-follower doesn't mean everything in your life is gonna be flowers and rainbows. In fact, it's quite the opposite. You're going to face some hard times. But, you're also going to have some AMAZING times and live in God's blessings. I've experienced both. This, by far, being the hardest time.

I am trying to live out Scriptures like "be thankful in all circumstances," and "be content in all situations," and "when I am weak, He is strong," and "His plans for us are good." 

I'm not going to lie. It's hard. It's hard to see your child suffer.

Two nights ago, La Petite Belle and I had a great little talk. This was the night before she experienced some of her worst pain. She's been pretty quiet throughout this whole thing, not much crying, not much talking at all. Beau and I had been concerned about how she was doing mentally and emotionally. She always said she was fine.

After we read our devotional, I asked La Petite Belle, yet again, how she was feeling. Not only that, but how she was feeling about what God was doing in this.

Finally, she had an answer for me and opened up.

She said that she thought God was doing two things: giving her a testimony to share and teaching her patience. She did admit to getting irritated. I think that's where the patience thing comes in. She's irritated that she can't sleep or eat. I would be too.  She said she's "accepted this and she's over it." As in, it is what it is, now let's get on with this healing.

I'm totally with her on this because God's doing the same things in me. Patience has never been my strong suit. And, I believe God is giving my whole family a testimony to share. He shows you so many things about yourself, your life, your family, your friends, and ultimately Himself when you go through hard times.

Because of this, our lives will never be the same. This has changed us. We will be different people after this. In fact, I think we already are.

I hope you still like us afterward. I mean, we're still cool ... maybe cooler, if that's possible.

If you would like to financially support Katie's (aka La Petite Belle) journey to healing, you can find more information here: www.gofundme.com/Katieg.  All funds go to cover medical bills and expenses. Thank you for your prayers and support! 

2 Comments:

Sandy Guidry said...

The most life-changing events in life are those connected with our children because they are part of us, therefore we feel as if it were us. Through this pain, will come blessings. Through this difficulty, will come strength. Through this uncertainty, will come the knowledge that God is in control even when we aren't sure and question our faith. Through the ugliness, will come a deeper understanding of God's love. My heart is with you in this journey. It is not easy, but it is ultimately God's plan for your life...and through it, will come deeper trust in Him. Love and praying for you all.

Jule said...

I am not intending to minimize your pain in any way ... I believe pain needs to be experienced and allowed to be .... but what I do wish to do is pray for you outwardly ... so Papa I come to you because of YOUR Son Jesus and I decree and declare the cross and the finished work of that cross that BY YOUR stripes Jesus ... we were healed there at the cross .... obviously, at times we must walk out the process but I decree an acceleration of this process to completion by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony .. I decree the blood covers, cleanses, infuses, and reinfuses LIFE abundantly into this son in female form ... I decree comfort of the Holy Spirit and for that same power that raised Christ from the dead to dwell mightily within each of these precious sons .... I decree activation of the Kingdom of God coming up and rising up from within .. and God's will being done in these vessels, these jars of clay, upon this earth AS IT IS IN HEAVEN ... I decree the manifestation of heaven on earth in these vessels of honor bringing glory to YOU ... I decree healing which is in the atonement and intervention by Holy Spirit based upon the finished work of the cross ... let it be so Lord Jesus in your power, authority, declaration and impartation now1 SO BE IT! amen!