No, I'm not talking about Bon Jovi.
Although I could talk a lot about them. In my younger days, I was quite a fan ... you know ... posters on the wall ... owned every album ... knew the words to every song ... saw them in concert twice ...
AND there was that one time during that second concert where Jon, Mr. Bon Jovi, himself sang "shot through the heart and you're to blame" to me personally. You know, just everyday kinda stuff.
But, I digress yet again.
The song title really does portray my feelings lately.
When I speak about love though, I speak about the only true love there is and that's all summed up in Jesus. The only perfect love is through Him.
Apart from my younger years, you know them ... 20-25 ... I have always worked in an environment where my role was to ultimately bring people to Jesus. To teach about Him (among other things) and to help create environments that shared His story with people. It's been like that for the past 12 years or so.
Now, I'm not doing that. I'm not teaching. I'm not sharing. I'm not creating. At least not on a regular day-to-day basis.
My sole outreach or should I say, the one and only thing I have to show for Jesus, is me. How I live. What I say. What I do. Who I am.
Scary stuff when you work in close quarters with people every day.
I mean ... let's face it ... you're not gonna believe this but I can't be pleasant 24/7.
Nevertheless, I need to be now more than ever, but I feel like there are moments when I may not give Jesus the best name.
I want to.
More than anything, I want to.
But, I can get frustrated. I can get irritated. And, the list goes on and on.
In the words of Hannah Montana (not Miley Cyrus ... because I would never quote her on this blog), "Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has bad days."
That goes for Christians and non-Christians alike.
But, some people only know Jesus by what they see in you.
I want to make His name great! I don't want to be a stumbling block for others because I'm having a bad day or a bad attitude.
It's hard, y'all. I wanna be me. I wanna be real. But, sometimes real is not good enough.
So, I second-guess myself. I am very hard on myself. "Did I say this in the right way? Was my facial expression OK? Did I have the right response?" So on and so forth.
This is an adjustment. I'm working on it. God's showing me so much through this move. I'm learning to trust Him more through this change and cling to His promises.