Monday, January 7, 2013

Mistakes or Experience

I came across this quote by Oscar Wilde.

Actually, I came across a ton of Oscar Wilde quotes and I came to the realization that, not only, was this man a genius, but an remarkable writer of words.

Can you have a tiny crush on a dead writer because of his amazing ability to write words beautifully? Because I may have that. {I think Beau's probably OK with me having a crush on a dead man.}

But, as always ... I digress.

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." - Oscar Wilde

How true this statement is?

I often question whether or not I would be the same person had I not had the experiences (a.k.a. mistakes) that I've had in the past.

And, I've had a LOT of experience (a.k.a. mistakes).

There was a time when I was in complete rebellion to God. COMPLETE. REBELLION.

It makes me sad a lot. Because those experiences I had were some doozies. They caused a lot of pain and a mountain of regret.

But ... and I'm sure some religious people would disagree with me, as always ... there is something very beautiful about my story. I see my salvation and redemption as an incredible, heart-gripping love story that brings me to my knees every time I think about it.

This story of grace and love astonishes me.

Me ... Unlovable.
Jesus ... Loved me.

And, didn't just "love" me like a buddy or a pal, but with a love that I can't comprehend with my pea-sized brain.

I try to sometimes. You know .... fathom it ... understand it. And, darnit, I just can't.

And, here's the kicker. 

You ready for this? Because you probably won't believe it.

But ...

There are times ... many times ... still ... that I am unlovable.


Try as I might to earn this great love and not be unlovable, I fail miserably.

These "experiences" I've had, that, honestly, I STILL reflect on twenty some-odd years later, make me appreciate EVEN MORE the love of God.

I often question whether or not, if I could go back in time, would I make different choices that affected my "experiences", and the logical answer is ... OF COURSE I would.

But, knowing that this is not an option, I embrace my "experiences" because they only teach me about the love of one extraordinary God. They make me appreciate the beauty of my own redemption story and the beauty of grace.