I think that's the state most of us have tried to stay in after the events of last Friday.
I just couldn't think about it.
It was overwhelming and I honestly just couldn't understand it.
But most of all, I was really angry. Angry at the shooter. Angry that it all happened. Angry at the world.
I am a slow processor. Sometimes I need a few days to mull over thoughts and feelings.
These last few days, I did. And, after I read this article detailing all the events that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary last Friday, I literally cried.
My heart ached. It hurt.
It hurt for the parents, the husbands, the brothers, the sisters, the families and friends of these victims of such senseless violence.
And, it was senseless.
It simply doesn't make sense to any of us.
And, as hard as we try, we can't understand it.
So, we pray. Because that's all we can do.
God hears. God knows.
Many have questioned where God was in all this. How could God allow innocent children die?
All I know is this:
God loved and cared about each one of those victims. He knew them by name. He loved them, just as He loves those they left behind.
The fact is that we live in a fallen world. And, because of this, bad things happen to good people. That's what sin does. It affects even the innocent.
We can't answer why. We can only answer who we put our faith in. We can only proclaim who He is. We can only trust in Him and His Word.
This event has made us all hug our children a little tighter and a little longer. We thank God for them and pray God's protection over them each and every day. These prayers have taken on even more meaning than ever before.
This event has also caused us to take some of the innocence from our own children as we've been forced to talk to them about what happened. They now have the knowledge that something like this could happen at their school. It could happen anywhere ... Colorado, Virginia, Connecticut ... anywhere.
But, we don't want our children to fear. We don't want to fear after they've stepped out of our car each morning or left our home for the day.
So, we are forced, as Christians, to trust. To put our children into the hands of God. To take every precaution we can. But, ultimately, it comes down to complete trust.
Remember that day that you brought your little baby to the front of the church and dedicated him or her to the Lord? Entrusting them to God? Recognizing that they are totally His?
This is a moment where we have to live out what we said.
Please continue to lift up these families in prayer. Also, lift up a hurting community and nation.