Monday, August 1, 2011

I'm naturally rebellious.

Yep. I know ... yet, another shocker. And, aren't we all?

Our pastor's sermon this past weekend dealt with obedience.

The point that stood out the most to me was that disobedience comes out of distrust
Ain't that the truth?!

I feel like everything in my life comes back to obedience and trust. Same 'ol, same 'ol. 

There are things that I should have learned a long time ago ... things I still have to deal with ... issues that are beginning to bore me. I have to be my own therapist and the cheerleader of my own mind. I have to encourage myself to think on right things, to believe the truth when the enemy feeds me lie after lie. I'm becoming more stubborn when it comes to even entertaining lies in my mind. Enough is enough. 

I always seem to be posting about my struggle with obedience and my struggle with not wanting to do a lot of things God wants me to do. Like I said last week ... I have the "don't wants" in a bad way.

It's way easier to do nothing. Way easier. No one to rely on you and no one to disappoint. No expectations and no insecurities to have to deal with.

I've prayed my whole life (at least the last 20 years) for God to use me, but I want to decide how He uses me.

I know ... totally wrong, right? But, oh so comfortable.

In hearing that statement this weekend of disobedience coming out of distrust, I realized that I still, (yes ... at this age), have a hard time trusting God even though He's proven Himself faithful to me every time.

I have a million excuses for why I shouldn't do something ... I'm not capable, I'm not good enough, this or that situation hurt me, this person hurt me, I don't like the way doing this makes me feel, I'm getting too old, I don't want to feel anymore insecure about myself, someone else can definitely do this better ... and so on.

That's my easy-out: So-and-so can do a way better job so just let them do it.

But, then my prayer of God using me all these years is in vain and honestly, for me isn't real. It's simply lip-service. Do I really mean it? If I do, then I stand willing to do whatever He asks me to do. (I'm still living out this idea. Hey ... I'm not perfect.)

If we're praying for God to use us, we have to be ready to do whatever He has for us even if it's not what we had planned. If we're going to say "God use me," it means for ANYTHING. 

You'd be surprised what God has in store for you when you're just open to His anything. 

I was. And, I am still surprised.


1 Comment:

Laura said...

Wow.
I needed to read this.
I am the queen of rebelliousness, but most people wouldn't know it.
That makes it even harder-

I think you HAVE found a purpose, if I may be so bold.
This post is going to speak to a lot of us this morning.

That is pretty grown up and spiritually mature if you ask me.

You have the gift of communication.

Thank you,

Laura
White Spray Paint