Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Restless.


I tend to get restless.

I wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I wonder if I'm doing enough. I wonder if I'm good enough. I wonder if I'll ever be good enough. I wonder how I  can be better. And the list goes on and on.

Surely I'm not the only one. 
(Beau would respond ... "I don't know and don't call me Shirley.")

Yes, I hear you. Could it be that you're reaching a certain age?

Could be. I'm definitely not the young, but I am the restless. (Get it? I made a little joke.)

But, maybe it's a good thing to get restless now and then. To question where you are in your life and what you've done for God. I have always wanted to do great things for God. Still do. So much more I want to do for God.

I'd like to nestle my tush somewhere in between content and restless instead of camping out at each side for a while. That would be nice. But, here I sit right next to "restless".

I came to the realization just yesterday that I do a lot of things out of obedience. I know, shocker to both you and me. I thought I tended to lean toward the rebellious end of the spectrum. But, low and behold, God showed me that pretty much everything I do for Him is out of obedience, not out of desire or sometimes not even out of enjoyment. But, I do them. Even frustrated, irritated, tired, I do them.

Sounds bad to only do things out of obedience. I want to do them because I'm totally in love with Jesus.

I want to be obedient. I really do. It's the most important thing in my relationship with God.

But, I'm starting to question whether or not God really wants me doing some of the things I am doing in my life if I'm only doing them out of obedience.

Good question, huh?

Do we just do things for God out of obedience or should we also desire those things? Do we necessarily need to be using all our talents for God all the time? Maybe there's time allotted for sitting out. Bench time. I think I'm gonna have to search that one out in the Bible.

I literally thought I heard God say, "I don't care anymore" when I asked Him about quitting a certain situation. But, now that I think about it, that was probably me.

OK. I'm done. This is just me. Being restless. Being that daughter who's always asking God question after question after question.

Sometimes I wonder if God's just needing a time-out from me and wants to tell me what I have to tell La Petite Belle sometimes, "I'm gonna need you to just stop talking for 5 minutes."

6 Comments:

Dana Dawn Calverette said...

Great post. Hope you find your answer, Shirley! (See, I made a joke, too. LOL Never mind. I'm dumb.)

sara said...

did you read my devotion journal this morning?

12-arrows said...

I know that feeling all too well, I've been in the mode for a long time and have been asking God to take the restless spirit away and to put my focus on Him and what He wants me to do instead. Its a huge challenge but I see some improvement.

Dionna said...

I feel like your post flowed out of my own heart for these are some of the exact thoughts and state of being that I have found myself in lately! I am a very "obedient" girl -- but as I broach 40 in 2 weeks, find myself hungering for "more." And I'm feeling a bit fiesty in my determination to get it. :) Even though - I always, always want to obey in the process.

Tammy said...

Oh, this was so good. Hit me in my gutt! :) You are not alone my friend, if that makes you feel any better.

gianna said...

I have asked that question myself.

Is it just because I'm supposed to? Where's the joy in that? How is God honored when I do it begrudgingly.

My guess is that it's okay. I don't think the disciples went into a crowd of 5000 men in search for food happily. I'm thinking they were resigned to the fact that they should obey.

And you know what? They were still blessed!