Seriously reconsidering.

This blog has been my place ...

a place where I could express my feelings, my thoughts ...

a place I could document my life and the lives of my husband & children ...

a place that I have used to connect and build relationships with friends I have never even met.

Knowing that I'm considering not blogging anymore actually kinda hurts my heart a little bit.

My goal was always to have a place for my girls to look to when I was long gone ... to remember our lives and each other.

But, somewhere along the way, I got censored.

And, the censorship just keeps getting worse.

I must constantly think about who might be reading my blog and will they get offended or think less of me because of a post or misinterpret something I've written.

And, if you've been a faithful reader of my blog, you know I'm not really good at not being honest.

How, oh, how can I not be who I am on my own blog written by me? That task, my friend, is quite difficult.

I'm torn.

I do love this place.

So, now I find myself in a predicament.

I either (A) write nothing of real substance and just keep it light, or

(B) simply quit.

I'm gonna need a little time, but hoping to be back soon.

I'm thinking ...

Genius

My husband really is a genius.

Really.

He has a test to prove it.

Really.

When I don't know the answer to something, I ask him. He is truly smart.

He also doesn't do many really dumb things. Not even remotely dumb or even stupid.

Until now ...

This is one of the few times I have been able to say to him, "You're a dummy.", or "That was dumb."

It's a simple mistake to leave the top down on your newly purchased convertible one time, but two days in a row? Especially when afternoon showers are quite common down here.

Dearest Beau ... you are the love of my life, but that was dumb.

Well said.

Found in La Petite Belle's Health textbook last night ...

(Bad iPhone pic)
Notice the third way she can show she loves her parents ... "clean stuff." So true. Again, I have taught her well.

I actually think these three things can be applied to our relationship with God.
(Here she goes turning some random observation into something spiritual. She's so wise.)

But, for real ... Love on God, Obey Him, and clean stuff up (this world can be a filthy place spiritually). Seems pretty simple to me.

Sometimes we can make serving God so difficult.

It's almost over.

I think I'm more ready for my girls to get out of school than they are.

No more early mornings.

No more homework.

No more fussing about finishing homework.

No more fussing about grades that could be better if they'd "just apply themselves."

No more girl-friendship drama.

No more "my teacher doesn't like me."

No more packing lunches.

No more forgetting lunches.

No more after-school whining about starving to death.
(Eating their "snack" of hot French bread. They're not worried about carbs a bit.)
No more uniforms to mend.

No more early bedtimes.

No more forgetting to sign test papers or checking assignment pads.

I can't wait. Friday is the last day and I'm hoping and praying it's a happy day for all since it's the same day they get their report card. If not, consequences may make summer worse and I'll be praying for school to start again.

But, seriously, I'm really looking forward to spending some long, overdue quality time with my family. This year has really been a blur.

Now, if I could just find a summer vacation destination ... hmmm ... any thoughts?

There's nothing more irritating than someone talking during one of the most pivotal moments of television history.

LOST party last night was fun
(minus the annoying talking and my shushing those who didn't know what was going on and even shushing those that did.)

Our TV volume was enough to make your ears bleed, but I was in the zone.

A good time was had by all.
(The only girl there that was as addicted to the show as me and joined in on my shushing and one of my party-planning partners. Thanks, Courtney!)

Notice the name tags. Beau wanted me to be Kate ... Hmmm ... wonder why. It might have something to do with the fact that she's slightly gorgeous. I wanted to be Juliet which might have had something to do with the fact that Sawyer loved her ... hmmm. Ces't la vie. I was Kate and Beau was Hurley.

I don't even want to get into the details of the finale, but let's just say, I am disappointed.

The one statement I have is that it seems like writers that had such mind-blowing cliffhangers after almost every show in the series could have done better and not gone with what was predicted at the very beginning of the series. Sorry, writers. I'm not likin' it.

And, LOST characters, I will miss you ... for real.

Now, for the beach report.

My girls' weekend was awesome. I ate way too much and got a little too much sun.

The beaches were fine, minus the ginormous sand dunes you had to trek over that were meant to keep the oil and pollution that might wash up on the beach away.
(The view from my beach towel)

(A little closer look at the water)

The cutest one in the bikini ... our newest addition to girls' weekend.

Now, it's back to life as usual. My family needs toilet paper.

Wasted Away Again in Diarrhitaville

Yeah, I know I said I wasn't posting, but my night was eventful.

Amidst trying to get the house cleaned and ready, studying with the girls for tests, cooking La Petite Belle's request of steak with rice & gravy, making sure Roxy Belle got a bath, and packing to leave for the beach, La Petite Belle has some stomach issues.

And, when I say issues, I mean that literally.

I'll spare you the details, but it did involve me having to clean two toilets and an extra shower for La Petite Belle.

Hey, these things happen.

But, it did remind me of something that happened about four years ago when La Petite Belle looked more like this.

She was having similar stomach issues and had to leave the dinner table to go to the bathroom. She was in there for quite some time while the rest of us ate and carried on with conversation.

Suddenly, in the middle of our talking, her voice booms from the bathroom, "HELLO!!! I have diarrhita! Does anyone even care?"

Laughter ensued.

Of course, she didn't appreciate that.

But, "diarrhita"? A cross between a margarita and Doritos I think. That's one delicacy I don't want to try.

Hope your weekend is diarrhita-free.

I'm off to the beach. I'll try to clean up the oil while I'm there.

Bathing suits were obviously created by Satan.

"Unless You Puke, Faint or Die, Keep Going!" - Jillian Michaels

Yes, I have been working out. It's really just a lifestyle for me. I'm not a nazi about it.

Do I do it every day? No. But, I try for 4-5 times a week.

I commit to do it because I have to.

I just have to.

I feel guilty not doing it.

K Belle says I'm addicted to exercising.

Dang, well, you'd think I'd be a lot smaller in my mid and rear sections then. But, despite my many attempts to just be a size 6, I am not.

Whatever. It's all good.

I will be joining my skinny little friends for our annual beach get-a-way this week. (Take that, Gulf oil spill!)

I become a little bipolar at the thought of lying on the beach in a bathing suit .... One side of me really doesn't care what the heck I look like, it's good enough ... and the other side becomes depressed at the thought of me lying on the beach in my bathing suit.

Aside from that fact, I'm super pumped about our weekend.

I won't be blogging until next week because we leave tomorrow and I'm overwhelmed with packing just the right bathing suit that my booty cheeks don't hang out of. This takes time.

Seriously, have you seen the bathing suits lately? I do declare ... they are skimpy beyond belief.

I'm ready to bring this back ...
Nothing like leaving a little mystery to what's under there, right? Right.

But, I really am most excited about being with my girlfriends.

Beau and my girls will survive on eating out every meal and lying around the house watching FOX news and Disney channel, I'm sure.

So, until next week, where I'll have a full report of the Gulf situation and show pics from my LOST party being thrown on Sunday evening (after getting back into town on Sunday afternoon ... yeah, I know ... glutton for punishment), have a wonderful weekend, my peeps!

Prom for the old folks

Not really.

I blame that high-browed, stiff , legalistic religious denomination.

I hate legalism, but somehow it's been ingrained in my very being.

"Don't do this. You can't do that. And, you must do this."

Over and over again ... all my life.

It's part of the reason I turned my back on God and Christianity in the first place.

These same ideas have stuck with me in some form or fashion even when I was free from those establishments.

And, I am free.

But, sometimes I hear myself saying and believing things that are not founded in Scripture, but come from those years of bondage.

And, it was bondage on so many different levels ... from bondage to religious traditions, to bondage from being lost without Christ.

This week my mind keeps coming back to these verses. Read 'em. Good stuff.

Colossians 2:6-8; 16-17; 20-23
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules:"Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

I love that the reality is found in Christ ... who we are, what we believe, our very being.

That's all. Plain and simple.

It's not in anything else. And, it's not in anything I can or cannot do.

God continues to show me what true freedom is.

It's just in Christ.

In Him I live and move and have my being.

The Autobiography

La Petite Belle had to write an autobiography for school.

She makes her mama proud.

Let's begin with a self-portrait. La Petite Belle loves the '80s side-ponytail, while Mama Belle always encourages any other hairstyle.

La Petite Belle performing on stage to the masses with the largest microphone I've ever seen.

Now, her story that will be featured on E's "True Hollywood Stories" one day.

La Petite Belle's Life

My name is La Petite Belle. I am nine years old. I was born on the sixth of October. I have one sister. My favorite color is aqua. My best friends are Jesus and Emma Dees (who she hasn't seen in about a year ... weird). I have five pets (Roxy Belle and the fish). When I grow up I want to be either a dancer, a singer, a soccer player, or an actor. I don't know what my favorite song is , but I like "Barracuda."

Ah ... a girl after my own heart ... "Barracuda" and Jesus.

I have taught you well, young one.

Strength

(Yeah, I could totally do this.)

I would say that I am a pretty strong person.

Strong in the sense of my personality (which I'm assuming annoys people sometimes, but whatever) ... in the sense of being able to remain stoic when confronted with a lot of situations where I want to scream, cry, or roll my eyes ... in the sense of not being easily moved ... in the sense of being stubborn ... and I bet, if I had to, I could put a whoopin' on somebody (only if I had to ... a classy lady like myself would not dare fight like some street person) ...

So, yeah ... I'm strong.

But, there are times that I allow others to make me feel bad about myself.

Me?

Strong me?

Why would I let anyone else influence the way I see myself? Much less the way God, my Heavenly Father, sees me?

There is no one who should make me or you feel insecure or worthless.

No one.

Not even someone you love.

I'm done with this topic.

Moving on ...

Mother's Day ... Just Another Reminder of My Inadequacy

Mother's Day started out with a bang ... the loud bang of the slammed bedroom door and my declaration that I was not going to church due to the fact that I wouldn't be ready in time because I was too busy handling everyone else's problems for the morning.

My children decided that on this particular day that they would attempt to cause a conniption fit from within their mother.

And, they did succeed.

Mama did lose her mind for a minute. And, within that minute, she came to the conclusion that she was a failure as a mother.

What a great realization on Mother's Day.

Too late. A mother is what she is.

Nancy Happy-Homemaker does not live at my house. Oh, how I wish she did for my kids' sake.

In the grand scheme of things, the details of life that were driving me crazy on this particular morning, really were not so important.

In a perfect world, Mama Belle would not be overwhelmed by the tea that was spilled in the bathroom (even though tea is not allowed in the bathroom), the smell of wet towels and a soaked rug (even though her children are told every day to stop getting so much water on the floor), the leaking bottle of nail polish lying on its side in the aforementioned bathroom, K Belle's indecision on her attire (finally selecting something appropriate to wear 15 minutes before walking out the door), La Petite Belle's inability to find her brush for 20 minutes (which caused everyone to drop what they were doing to go on a brush hunt), still having to check brushed teeth in children of an age where one shouldn't have to check brushed teeth, La Petite Belle would select one of the four items offered to her for breakfast (Pop-Tarts, oatmeal, granola bar, muffin) and not go to church hungry because her mother has told her she's "not really hungry" and she "can just wait until lunch then," ...

and when she asks her husband to help her with the brush hunt, he says he's "trying to read his Bible" and "we need to leave in five minutes."

I was irritated.

And, all of these things wouldn't have been such a big deal if there wouldn't have been attitude.

Yes, major attitude given by my children to me on the day that's supposed to celebrate what a wonderful mother I am. I think that's what sent me over the edge.

I was ticked off at how much disrespect these kiddos were giving me when ... wait a minute ... I don't allow disrespect.

The lecture ensued on the drive to church all while I continued to finish up my makeup.

By the time we arrived at the house of the Lord, I turned to my children and told them, "When we leave this church, I'd better see angels leaving this building. There'd better be a transformation."

The transformation lasted a few hours. Good enough.

We headed out to brunch at a new little place downtown, "The French Press."

Loved the atmosphere ... jazz trio in the corner.



La Petite Belle enjoying coffee-milk (a Saturday morning tradition created by my granddaddy).
Beau's steak & eggs
My Cajun Benedict
(toasted french bread, Hebert's boudin, and two poached-medium eggs topped with our chicken and andoullie gumbo and fresh scallions)

After lunch, we made a visit to my mom, where I felt like I could relax, even to the extent of falling asleep in the recliner like an old man watching Sunday football. My mom said I was cross and that I needed a nap, which I did. After waiting 45 minutes for Beau to help my dad program his new remote for his TV, we were finally headed home.

I got that nap. And, spent some quality time snuggling & chatting with La Petite Belle as my last Mother's Day request.

And these lovelies.

A Keurig, with a note attached, saying that they were out of the bigger model and I could exchange it on Monday.

The story from La Petite Belle had wonderful statements about her mother, including ... "She can sing like an angle" (yes, an "angle," not an angel), and "She's a lovely woman that worships God." OK, maybe I'm not so bad.

The TV to replace the broken one from my kitchen, which the girls wanted to get me because in the words of K Belle, "It's something that benefits all of us." Nice.

I tucked the girls into bed early and spent the rest of the night doing absolutely nothing.

I really do love being a mom. And, the fact that I am not fabulous at it just makes me rely more on my Lord to get me through all the day-to-day drama and emotion of it.

I do miss my three-year-old little girls, but am looking forward to the maturity that is lurking ahead.

I'm quite disgusted.

The May issue of Vanity Fair magazine includes a story intitled, "Tiger Wood's Inconvenient Women."

The article is all about four of his mistresses telling their stories, like we care, like it's going to make a difference.

But, the thing that's got me really irritated this morning is the fact that these women are photographed in a very risque' manner ... well, I guess how else would you photograph a mistress? I can't even post a picture. You'll have to click on the link above to read the story and see a couple of the pics.

These women are in full make-up, have professional stylists and hairdressers, and are made to look beautiful and almost glamorous.

Really? Now, we're glamorizing and putting their images up as people of interest to the public? These women are not people of interest to me and I'm tired of seeing their images put in our faces.

Two of the women are escorts and one a porn star ... this is what it's come to?

Let's make them look gorgeous and have the whole world sympathize with them.

Well, sorry, I don't sympathize.

They are getting their 15 minutes of fame due to adultery. That's it. That's their claim to fame ... adultery. And, very proud of it.

Now, granted, sin is sin. I've done my fair share of sinning, but I'm not flaunting it all out in a magazine and boasting about my sin. (And, yes, Tiger is just as much to blame.)

Come on, ladies. Have some self-respect ... if not for yourself, for the wife of the man that you slept with.

Here's an image for you.
Behind this story is a real family.

Ugh. I'm sick and disgusted.

Media ... get off it. Leave it alone. I don't want to hear any more about it.

No, this is not a cooking blog.

It's just part of my life. And, here I go posting yet another recipe.

Yesterday began as a joyous day:
Day off.

Beautiful weather.

Took a short run and even threw in a few crunches just for fun.

Indulged in my favorite Greek yogurt.

Decided I was tired again.

Took a nap until noon.
(I know ... I felt a little guilty because I really had some yardwork and housework to do. However, I came to the conclusion that I will always have yardwork and housework, but not always opportunities for naps.)

Ate again ... more of my faves ... pita chips with hummus and guacamole.

Took the convertible out with Beau to pick up the girls from school.

Took the convertible and the girls to get sno-cones because it was 98 degrees outside.

Planned on taking the girls swimming after homework, but my plans were thwarted by homework forgotten and an infraction. Ugh. (La Petite Belle begged for a spanking instead of not going swimming. Her words ... "Can't you just give me a spanking?" I giggled. Nope.)

Beau & I cooked dinner consisting of egg rolls, what Beau calls "the best salad in the whole world" - Broccoli Slaw Salad, and a copycat recipe of P.F. Chang's Lettuce Wraps. (They were quite good. K Belle said it was one of her top 10 favorite meals of the year. Beau said they were just alright. La Petite Belle and I loved them. But, they definitely need the sauce. I'm off to find the copycat recipe for the sauce now.)


Copycat Recipe for P.F. Chang's Chicken Lettuce Wraps

1 lb. ground chicken
1/4 C. chopped fresh basil
2 Tbsp. soy sauce
2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice
2 large garlic cloves, finely minced
1 large jalapeno chili, chopped fine
1 tsp. Tabasco
1 Tbsp. sesame oil
2 Tbsp. Vegetable Oil
Bibb lettuce leaves
Chopped green onions (optional)
Roasted peanuts, chopped (optional)

Combine first seven ingredients in a bowl and stir to blend well. Heat both oils in a heavy medium sized skillet till hot but not smoking. Add chicken mixture and sauté until chicken is just cooked through (about 5 minutes). Transfer chicken mixture to a platter and arrange lettuce leaves around edges. Serve, passing the chopped green onions and/or chopped roasted peanuts if you are using these. (Sauce would definitely add to the taste, but it is quite delicious.)

Finished the night off with sweet iced tea and Excedrin PM.

It definitely was a good day.

Just to get my mind off the oil spill ...

I am tormented by thoughts of not being able to go to the beach this month.

Really tormented.

I need this trip almost as much as I need closure to LOST.
(These parallel lives are messing with my head. Are they dead or not? And, who is the smoke monster? Is he evil incarnate, making Jacob like God? But, you can't kill or replace God, right? ... I could go on and on.)

When I think about what the Gulf Coast does not need, it's an oil spill. The Gulf Coast just needs a break ... no hurricanes, no oil spills, nothing. It's time for some peace and quiet.

I can't even begin to think about how this catastrophe is going to affect the economy in this area.

I'm hanging onto any shred of hope that this leak will be stopped and clean-up will begin quickly. (for selfish and non-selfish reasons alike)

Beach, I need you. It's been a long time, my friend.

So, what does one do to get their mind off this tragedy?

Why, eat, of course. No, I am not an emotional eater. I just ate two servings of this yesterday. It made me feel good ... darn.

If you'd like to join me in drowning my sorrows, try this today.


Paula Deen's Not 'Yo Mama's Banana Pudding

• 2 bags Pepperidge Farm Chessmen cookies
• 6 to 8 bananas, sliced
• 2 cups milk
• 1 (5-ounce) box instant French vanilla pudding
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 (12-ounce) container frozen whipped topping thawed, or equal amount sweetened whipped cream

Line the bottom of a 13 by 9 by 2-inch dish with 1 bag of cookies and layer bananas on top. In a bowl, combine the milk and pudding mix and blend well using a handheld electric mixer. Using another bowl, combine the cream cheese and condensed milk together and mix until smooth. Fold the whipped topping into the cream cheese mixture. Add the cream cheese mixture to the pudding mixture and stir until well blended. Pour the mixture over the cookies and bananas and cover with the remaining cookies. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

You're welcome.