Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Day I Quit

(Image courtesy of Anne Taintor)

I am not a quitter.

I don't even allow my kids to quit anything. It's just not acceptable.

Always finish.

But, day before yesterday, I quit.

"Quit what?" You ask.

Motherhood.

I had had enough.

There was an incident or two, which I won't get into, involving my children that simply pushed me over the edge. The incidents weren't even major. They didn't kill anyone or take drugs. It was just a matter of simple obedience and respect.

There are days I think my kids have learned nothing I've taught them over the years. Nothing.

It's like there are strangers living in my house, eating my food, and acting like my children. 

When I was a young mom and older moms told me that it only got harder as they got older, I didn't believe them. How could anything be harder than dirty diapers, late-night feedings, and potty-training?

Let me tell you. It's harder.

It's enough to make me go batty sometimes. And by "batty," I mean totally lose it.

I finally did that night.

I told my children that I had had enough. I quit. And, I was leaving.

Beau wasn't home at the time. Had he been home, this all could have played out a little differently. Dual-parenting is a lot easier than single-parenting. Single moms deserve a medal and more.

There were tears. And, not just from my kids.

I called Beau and inquired about his whereabouts and how soon he would be home. He was on his way. I expressed my need to leave the house for a few hours. Where I was going to go I didn't even know.

Of course, I couldn't leave my kids alone. So, I waited on Beau. I got calmer as I waited and the need for retreat wasn't as severe. Plus, my kids still hadn't eaten dinner. I still had to work that out. So, leaving became simply ridiculous.

Heart-to-heart talks happened. More tears shed. 

It's only with God's help that I can make it as a mom. Not only "make it," but be the mom my kids need ... to inspire, to encourage, to speak truth, to love, praying daily for my kids. That's not to say I won't make mistakes. All moms do. It's what happens after the mistakes that matter.

I found out afterwards that K Belle had told La Petite Belle not to worry ... that, of course, Mama was not going to leave.

Glad they take me seriously.

I may need medication.

Or at least a nap.

10 Comments:

Rachelle said...

Now that I'm a mama, I know why my mom seemed like a wild woman 1/2 the time. Because, now I'm the wild woman. :)

Chantelle said...

L O V E D this post. Thank you for your honesty! (and the image is awesome) :)

sara said...

you may need medication or a nap...or BOTH! ha!

parenting is not for sissies that is for sure!!!

Tammy said...

You are too funny. Ive had many of those days. When they give us our baby to leave the hospital to go home, I think they should give us a "white hug-me" jacket for future use. Try to find joy in knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! :) Thanks again for a great post. My kids favorite thing to say to me is..."you're crazy"...the sad thing is I think they are right. LOL

H-Mama said...

Love me a good transparent post. ;) I agree with Sara... it's not for sissies. A long shower usually helps me. I would nap, but sleep doesn't come like it used to. ((hugs))

Cathy said...

Yes it does get harder. Mine are 16 & 19. I love them dearly, but some days I can really understand why some animals eat their young! lol

The Hat Chick said...

I hear you sister! I sometimes wonder what alien has kidnapped my son and left me with this body whose brain doesn't understand any common sense or anything that I've taught over all these years.

I sometimes want to leave. But then I think, "Hey, this is my house," and then I make the kid go sit in the backyard with a sleeve of saltines. If he gets thirsty, he drinks out of the hose.

Unfortunately, he doesn't see this as a punishment....see? No. brain. connected.

phoebe said...

Wow, so it isn't just me. The thing in your post that most rang true for me is wondering where the children you raised have gone. I often times find myself asking, "what did I do or say that would make you think that was acceptable?". I can honestly say, when people ask me if Eric and I will have more children, I am way to eager to say no. I have two teenagers now, and in less than four years I will have two more. Parenting teenagers and tweenagers is NOT, I repeat NOT fun. I have said on more than one occasion, "ya'll make parenting so unfun". With God and two Dads my sanity is intact but I have wanted to retreat mayself...I am sure I did once or twice. With my oldest (16 1/2) I am getting so see the reward...they do change a lot and the changing is hard and "unfun" but that is the part God is in control of and as mom's that can be hard. He is getting them ready for adulthood....he is letting them rebel in a home where they are loved as he would, and they are cared for as he would. You are blessed to be choosen to walk with them..no matter how bad it feels...in your weakness He is strong and in our trials your faith is made stronger.

HUGS!

DidiLyn said...

Oh Pumpkin...I feel ya.
I am going to have a super hard time typing this because I am holding a cranky baby on my lap, but I'm gonna try.
I am going to throw you a rope, sister.
IT GET'S BETTER,
Not only better, but great, which it never would have been if you hadn't wallowed through these mud puddles first.
I have quit, too. I couldn't take it, or do it any more. I was DONE.
Skip to today.
The children you knew and loved come back, even better than before! Like they are bionic or something. But it is true.
Keep a picture of who you know them to be in you heart. They come back and exceed your best expectations. I promise.

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

Please stop telling me it gets harder. ;) I want to stay in my little world of disillusionment - fantasizing that the dirty diapers, constant dependence on all of my energies, sleepless nights, and wiping bottoms is the toughest stuff...