Thursday, August 19, 2010

How much do I love my life?

"Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it." - 1 Peter 1:22

"As if my life depended on it?"

Man, oh, man.

This seems beyond my ability, but Christ demands it.

I fail so miserably.

I'm not even close.

I want to be.

Getting past my own selfishness is almost impossible. And, I believe that the irritation that occurs from being with people is a form of selfishness. Not being friendly, being in a bad mood ... also a form of selfishness.

Let me be honest here.

A lot of times I honestly don't want to be around anyone. No one.

Sometimes it's quite a relief when I get to go to the bathroom and be in that little stall alone. I feel safe. Relief. No one around. I can breathe for just a minute. After that brief moment, I'm ready to go out into the world again. (OK, that's weird.)

It's also impossible for me to act happy and bubbly when I'm not. It's difficult.

But, it's also selfish when I'm not putting the person I'm coming in contact with above my own emotions and feelings.

This is going to take a lot of work.

Next month, you'll be saying ... "That Mama Belle ... she's such a people-person. She loves everyone."

And, I do love everyone. It's the liking I have a problem with.

But, once again ... selfish.

I think I'll take it a step farther and say it's sin.

It's putting myself above what God has commanded me to do. I know what the right thing is to do and I choose not to do it. I teach my kids that is called sin.

So, how much do I really love my life? Enough that I would try to save it at all costs. I would fight to the death to save my life.

That's how much I should be loving people. Making every effort to go out of my way to love them, whether it be convenient or not and whether I like it or not.


Chantelle said...

Great post. (and I've been known to hide in the bathroom once or twice a DAY.) :)

Cathy said...

Ouch! That hurt. But it's what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Rachelle said...

Oh the putting others first thing is hard. Very hard.

Thanks for being honest. Good post.

Rachel @ Future Pastor's Wife said...

Your serious posts are amazing. They are always so incredibly challenging and thought-provoking. I love it when you're serious, because you always offer really great insight. :)

Now I'm going to go take care of my bruised toes.

{Jodie} said...

I've been thinking about the same thing this week. Love and Grace. I am so guilty.

I have a post scheduled for tomorrow.

Kristy said...

I've read this post at least three times and each time I'm blown away by how much what you've written mirrors my own life. Being a pastor's wife I also struggle with putting others needs before my own. Selfishness IS sin. What we have to come to terms with is that when we gave our lives to Christ, WE GAVE OUR LIVES TO CHRIST. My life is no longer my own to do with as I choose. DAILY I struggle with this. You are not alone - I'm right there in the bathroom with you! :o)
That Good Part