Monday, June 7, 2010

Uncomfortable

I'm an emotional basket-case right now.

Where are all these emotions coming from? Geez.

Turn off the waterworks, lady.

As you're reading this, I'm on my way to El Salvador ... without my husband, without my children.

This is not a vacation.

This is me not being my typical selfish self, being obedient, and stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I'm going to be used by God and to do whatever He wants me to do at this place.
(Don & Terri Triplett, missionaries to El Salvador)

This is uncomfortable for me.

And, I believe I need to be more uncomfortable.

I sat in the bathtub last night and told the Lord that I really didn't want to go and asked why He ever put me in this position. I don't want to go.

His answer: "You're going."

Yes, Lord.

I remain uncomfortable and, to be honest, nervous and a little scared.

Who am I to be used in this manner? I am way too unholy for this. And, my faith is not near where it should be.

But, here I am, Lord ... use me.

It's easy for me to say, "Lord, I trust You."

It's harder for me to believe.

Why?

God has never ... NEVER ... given me any reason not to trust Him. Never.

Yet, I still remain in the place where I doubt and don't fully trust the way I know I should.

God, I want to trust You.

And, I continue to declare these words, "God, I trust You."

And, with my whole heart ... every bit ... I will believe that You are going to do something great in my life and the lives of those with me and those I come in contact with.

Uh, OK ... I think I'm a bit hormonal. I'll be fine tomorrow.

Please pray for my team that we would be safe and be able to effectively reach those that are in need, despite the fact we'll be sporting true missionary fashion of long skirts paired with tennie shoes.

But, all is not lost, I did get my hair done.

To which Beau responded with, "You're getting your hair done before you go on a mission trip?" (like that's the craziest thing he's ever heard) In my defense, if I wouldn't have had these roots died, I would have come home looking like the lead singer for Berlin ... you know, dark hair down to blonde ends. Seriously, I had to take preventive measures.

The hair ended up like this.
To which Beau responded again, "I like your hair darker." Nice.

I'll have limited to no internet access, so, of course, blogging will not be happening. Looking forward to giving you a full report when I get back.

9 Comments:

the domestic fringe said...

First, I love your hair. You may as well have great hair since you'll be in skirts and sneakers the whole time. ;-)

Praying for you on this trip. I look forward to hearing about what God does in El Salvador.

-FringeGirl

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

God speed and God bless.

Julie said...

Wow . . . that is totally awesome that you are doing this! I would be way too far outside of my comfort zone . . .

Love your hair!

Rachelle said...

Looking forward to reading about a fruitful trip. Prayers... the hair looks great!

BaronessBlack said...

Ha! Ha!
Stay safe funny lady! The hair looks great. Know that you'll be in our thoughts and prayers!

phoebe said...

I am so proud of you. To be so uncomfortable and so unsure, and yet you are doing it. The very doubt you had is answered in your own words. I don't think trust and faith come in thougts or words..or the lack of questions and words...your faith is measured in your action, and you are acting. You are acting in spite of your doubt and short comings...that my dear is faith...the doing even when you don't know! You are amazing and I know how greatly our God will use you! Next year, I will be on this trip!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love and Prayers!

Autumn said...

Be safe! Praying for you!
PS... LOVE the highlights!

Jeff Ables said...

I heard someone say years ago that God comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable! I know this trip is going to do you a world of good as you do good for the world around you! I'm very proud of you. (Highlights and all.)

H-Mama said...

If one is going on a missions trip, one must have a super-cute hairstyle. It's a rule, I think. ;)

And glad you are sticking around blogdom!

We passed right in front of your church Sunday @ 2:00... looked like the parking lot was unloading with police supervision. That, or something illegal was going on?? ;) We had limited time to get back home... but would love to visit one day. Should we just drop in?? :)