Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I saw her change in an instant.

Disappointment is always hard ... even for adults.

But, I'll take a hundred disappointments if it means my child won't have to experience one.

Every year La Petite Belle attends a camp where she, of course, wants to audition for a solo part.

If you've read my blog long enough, you know that she's quite the performer and has always been.

When she was three, she would stand on her chair at any restaurant, recite The Pledge of Allegiance, and sing "The Star-Spangled Banner," along with any other song she knew. This was usually the entertainment at any place where we were dining with friends.

She's not shy and has never been.

(Need I remind you of a few of her past performances ... here ... here ... and here.)

And, though I may be biased, I must say she has that special je ne sais quoi. Oh, heck, she's just good at stuff, especially when it comes to acting or performing. She's quite a ham and enjoys it.
(Here she is at home backstage during our last Christmas production, where she really shined.)
(Waiting with Mom to go back onstage)

Is she the best singer in the world? No, but she can sing well when taught the song.

Is she the best dancer in the world? No, but she's got some moves. (She gets that from me.)

Acting is definitely her cup of tea, but she can do all three if she needs to.

One of La Petite Belle's strong suits until today was the optimism she always had. I could see it in her eyes every time .... hopeful and expecting. Always. Never doubting or thinking that she might not get what she wants. Never.

She's not gotten parts before, but that expectancy was still there. That joy for what she was participating in was still there ... even yesterday.

I, with my cynical mind, kept reminding her that there might be a possibility that she may not get a solo part and that was OK. I affirmed her and said I thought she was wonderful and said the ever-so-popular, "don't get your hopes up too much."

Well, she didn't get a solo part.

I spoke to her on the phone this morning and she seemed OK, but, of course, disappointed. She sadly said, "This is the third year I haven't gotten a part."

I continued to encourage her. And, then, told her that she could still possibly have some neat parts within the performance, dancing and all.

To which she responded, "Probably not. I probably won't get that either."

My heart ached.

It's finally hit her. The disappointment of the world has now become her reality.

No more joy. No more expectancy. No more hope.

Just another cynic.

It's hard for a mama to continue to encourage, knowing that another disappointment is just around the corner that could affect so much of who she is.

But, I did it.

I encouraged. I gave the whole speech about how she can't just stop trying out for stuff. And, when at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

But, I can't help but feel her disappointment.


bwallace said...

Hurts to read. I dread that day will come. I can't imagine seeing a happy child's spirit broken, but I know it will happen.

sara said...

it is so much harder being a mom than I ever dreamed. I am so glad that your daughter has such a wonderful woman for her mom, one that continues to encourage and support no matter what!!! ((hugs))

Lois Lane II said...

Poor sweet child. We handle promotions for the student newspaper, and I had one student who tried so hard to keep her optimism...and when she didn't get promoted, I told her, "You're so good. You just have a lot of competition, and we need an amazing reporter, and that's what you are." She teared up. She felt it was because the other editors didn't like her...and even when I told her that wasn't the reason, she still was really disappointed. I wanted to cry with her. =( Hopefully, though, she will come through this stronger. At least she has a wonderful supporter in you!

BaronessBlack said...

In my time I've met two types of brilliant performers: the first are so filled with self-confidence that they can rise above any disappointment or criticism, while the others are so desperately insecure that they are able to push themselves to extremes to stay in the lime-light.
I have a sneaking suspicion that La Petite Belle may be a little too well balanced to fall into either of these categories!
I'm sorry for her and your disappointment; but well done on raising a well-grounded and stable young lady!

phoebe said...

Oh, wow! This feeling you feel, this heartache you have...oh have I been there. If you remember at last years conference I aksed advice from Lisa W. on how to get through this. The momment when you relaize the world doesn't see them through our eyes. I will tell you to keep doing what you do. Encourage her till you can't go anymore. Just keep in mind that it will happen again and it is these very trials and tribulations that will mold her into a strong, self-respecting, self-loving, independent, amazing, Godly woman....just like her mom! Raising teens (or pre-teens) is hard. It is only with God that it is possible.

Oh, and I always blame know "this is just Satan trying to make you doubt know who you are in Jesus...sing girl sing", it never fails haha!

McElroy Family Happenings said... I dread the days of hurt feelings and aching hearts. Dread them. I'm so sorry.