Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I would have preferred "brick house."

And, not "brick wall."

That's what Pearl referred to me as yesterday.

A brick wall.

"Who's Pearl?" You ask.

Pearl is a lovely, white-haired woman, who could have been an older version of the mom from "Little House on the Prairie," equipped with the hands of The Hulk.

She was my massage therapist when I went to use up the gift card Beau and the girls had bought me for Mother's Day. Yes, I know ... what took me so long? Sometimes life just doesn't settle down.

And, when I say "Hulk" hands, I mean it.

I checked that I wanted "firm" pressure on my questionnaire.


There were moments in this one-hour massage that I prayed to the dear Lord that my agony would end quickly. At times, I felt my muscles literally being moved from one side of my bone to the next. Sometimes, I just winced and squeaked. Pearl put a hurtin' on me. In her defense I did say "firm," not knowing "firm" meant "bulldoze."

Pearl said, in her sweet Southern accent, "Rubbing you is like rubbing that brick wall over there. You need some work. You are unbelievably stressed."

Finally, I have proof from an expert. If only massage therapists were seen as doctors.

Her recommendation for me:

Her next bit of advice:
Go home. Take a warm bath. Drink lots of water. Rest and relax the rest of the day. No kids. No work.

Yeah, right.


sara said...

She is a professional and I think that you should listen to her! :) Can I get one of those written reports?

H-Mama said...

I agree with Sara. You should listen to the professional. Yeah, if you can get copies, I'll take one too. Just not reality, huh? ;)

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Just this simple suggestion ----- EPSOM SALTS BATH!!!

thedomesticfringe said...

Somehow if you followed her directions, I don't think you would be living. Do you feel better after the bulldozer's work?

Mama2hre said...

So, how do you feel today? Was it relaxing? Wishing you a relaxed, stress-free day!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

I would think that qualifies as a doctor's note -- you'd totally be justified in calling in sick to work ;)

Katie@The Baby Factory said...

Niiiiiiiice. I want a note like that. That would really be ideal :)

Patrice said...

I am sitting here in a waiting room laughing so hard right now. These people must think I am nuts! Thanks for the laugh, sorry it's at your expense!

Cathy said...

Well it sounds good anyway!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh..both at your wit and at her recommendations. A prescription to relax sounds like just what the Dr. Hulk has ordered!