Thursday, February 12, 2009

Mama Belle, Can you just shut up for five minutes!

Why is it that there are times that words come tumbling out of mouth without any sort of thought behind them at all?

There are even times where the words are being spoken, all the while my brain is telling them to shut up. By then, it's usually too late.

I tend to get caught up in the emotion of it all.

I tend to be that person that offends. Not intentionally, mind you.

I tend to be that person that's blunt and straight-forward. Most people know that if they want the truth, they can ask me and I'll tell them (trying to be as kind as possible, of course).

I tend to be the one that people perceive as mean or stuck up. When really, I'm just shy and uncomfortable. (I was the little girl that hid behind her mama's legs when anyone spoke to her. For real, ya'll.)

But, in most of the positions I'm placed in, I have to be super-friendly and happy, with a smile plastered on my face. Isn't that what's expected?

And, with that uncomfortableness comes stupidity and idiocity.

My brain says, "Say something witty, Mama Belle (except I use my real name). Say something funny." 

By now, my brain is already trained to do this without me thinking beforehand.

This is bad.

Maybe it's the fact that I think people won't have a choice but to like me and want to hang out with me if I'm entertaining. (Of course, my personality can be quite charming without me trying.)

Maybe it's the fact that I think they won't like me if they really knew who I was. Who would like any of us if they got into our heads and saw our deepest, ugliest thoughts and our filthy heart?

I hate it when insecurity rears its ugly head.

Stupid insecurity. 

Stupid attitude that leads me to stupid words.

Stupid mouth.

If anyone knows a cure for this disease (In the words of Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine," "It will take more than a doctor to provide the remedy. I got all the symptoms ... count 'em, one, two, three ..."), please let me know. All suggestions are appreciated. And saying, "just shut up," is not a cure, obviously. Am I the only one that suffers from this? Please say no.


Joan said...

Have you seen those Twix commercials?

I have that disease also. My dad called it "hoof in mouth" disease.

I'll check back to see if anyone has a cure.


Donnetta said...

Lordy, me I have the disease too. Despite many efforts to cure it with therapy & medication, I can't seem to find anything that even HELPS! :) I always try to make things funny to assert myself into a conversation. Usually - backfires right into my face!

Liz said...

There are several things going on, and as someone who feels like you do, I can speak from experience.

Some of it's fear. The fix for that is to love God with heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as yourself. 1 John talks about how perfect love casts out fear.

Some of it's pride. Caring what people think of you and worrying about them judging you. The fix for that is humbling ourselves and caring more for what God things about us than what other people think.

Really... I think it's mostly about knowing God. The more we pour His Word into our hearts, the more wisdom we gain and know better when to speak and when to be quiet. The more of Him we have, the more like Him we'll be. :)

{Jodie} said...

In a word, no.

The pressure to be always funny, always smart, always witty, always justsogreat -- oh, it threatens to flatten me.

I know exactly of what you speak... I do not, however, know the cure... except that day by day I'm being changed from the inside out... and the process? It is long. But it IS happening - and I am being changed. It is God who called us, and it is God who sets us free. That's about all I know. :)

Lois Lane II said...

OH MY GOSH, this is so me to a T!! I'm the same way! I think, "Hey, say something witty, something that's smart and funny" and usually the "funny" dies...badly. And then I think my voice even sounds stuck up and I pretty much always speak without thinking. It's like a daily thing that I get up in the morning and say, "God, today I'm going not to talk so much because talking always gets me into trouble."

The Wixom Zoo said...

Um...yeah. I have the same problem. I frequently leave my mouth unattended and it proceeds to get me into HEAPS of trouble! If you find a solution that works, PLEASE let me know!

Sara@i.Sass said...

Bon JOVI!!! SO much better then Gloria.
I got no advice, I LIKE girls like you. I WANT girls like you around.
Say what you mean/mean what you say.
Honest is GOOD.
Insecurity bad...
Quoting you: "Stupid insecurity"

Sara@i.Sass said...

Bon JOVI!!! SO much better then Gloria.
I got no advice, I LIKE girls like you. I WANT girls like you around.
Say what you mean/mean what you say.
Honest is GOOD.
Insecurity bad...
Quoting you: "Stupid insecurity"

DidiLyn said...

It's exhausting, isn't it? I've been that person for so long, I feel like that is what everyone expects. And I'm good at it. Really, really good. People always want to be around me because I'm "funny."
But sometimes it makes me not want to go out and be around people because I feel these expectations.
From them? Most likely, from me.
The more I am in the Word, the more I can breathe and the more I am free. To be me. Funny sometimes, but not all the time.
I feel ya, on this post.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I have learned to accept that it's not up to me to keep witty repartee going. Silence is OK in a social setting, and it has spared some embarrassing moments from happening. I have such a low threshhold for humiliation that I try to be really careful because even if an offended person forgives me, I will not forgive myself for years. YEARS.

Rachel said...

I'm not bold and upfront (I actually wish I had a little more of that) but I often speak without thinking. It IS a disease.

And the always having to be happy? Sounds like you are describing the seminary campus.

You say you feel like it's expected of you to be happy and have a smile plastered on your face. That is the start of the problem. When you start measuring yourself by people's (whether real or imagined) expectations, you'll always fail and you'll always let someone down (because you're imperfect-we all are!) and then it makes you feel bad about yourself. So you try even harder and it just gets worse. It's a lovely cycle the enemy puts us in.

As for what you are saying one thing I have tried to do that works better than "shut-up!" is to remind myself of the verse (I think it's somewhere in Psalm 139; not sure, I'll have to get the address for you) that says, "Before a word is on my tongue, Lord, You know it." It just makes me step back a little bit and say, "Why I am I saying this? Is it because I want to impress someone and therefore build myself up? Is this the gentlest way I can tell someone something hard to hear? Is the Lord being glorified through my words and not myself?" It's humbling to know that before we start running off at the mouth He already knows what's coming.

And before you start beating yourself up over being blunt, remember 1 Thess 5:14: "Warn the idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with all." There is a time and place for warning people, people who need a firmer word that just encouragement. Your boldness is a gift, so don't let the devil make you feel bad about it, because it DOES have its place.

*Hugs* Looking forward to meeting up with you guys in March.

thedomesticfringe said...

Keep your mouth filled with bon-bons. Not too many words can escape between them and the chocolate does wonders for your mood. ;-)


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Sorry, wish i could help but I have the exact same problem. I'm always shoving that foot in my mouth and its down right annoying! :)

rebel said...

I've always pretty much said what I think, I've just gotten better through the years bein' able to say things in a way so it doesn't hurt feelin's or offend. You can bend over backwards tryin' to please everybody else, when all that is important is you and your family. You just have to slow down and bite your tongue and think, now how can I say this and if people don't like it, well, SORRY.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Some people just take offence at anything.
You just don't seem like a mean, rude person to me.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

No. You are not alone. I am not outgoing and funny, but I am the type that people might think is snobby and stuck-up, when I'm really just shy and insecure. Oh, how I wish there were some kind of instant cure for it.

Tiff said...

Same problem here too... especially when I'm at work and there's a bunch of us discussing something. People end up looking at me like I'm from Mars half the time.
So either what I said was stupid, or so brilliant they just didn't get it...

The Hat Chick said...

I used to have TTH (try-too-hard), that led to foot-in-mouth disease. Then I decided there are some people who will like me or they won't - no matter what I say. And I can't control that. If they don't like me, I'm better off without them. If they do, great, I made a new friend.

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Are you seriously asking for advice? Because I've got some.

Do Mary Kassein's bible study Conversation Peace. Life changing.

Love from one big mouth to another...