Thursday, October 9, 2008

Women and Friendships

It seems like every day K Belle comes home with some drama from school, involving the girls in her class,  and who said what to who, who hurt who's feelings, etc.

One day, K Belle got to school, got out of the truck, and the first thing one of the girls said to her was, "What's up with your hair? It's ugly."

Just last week, a young girl left the school, and K Belle asked her why she was leaving and the girl said, "Because I really feel left out." That made me sad. And when the girl was leaving the last day, another girl in the class yelled out, "Bye. We won't miss you."

Now, why do girls say things like this? It really makes me question what it is about our make-up that causes us to be so competitive with other women. Why are we so insecure about ourselves that we have to put down others to make ourselves feel better? Maybe this stems back from Bible days ... I mean, Solomon did have like, 300 wives and another 700 concubines ... talk about insecurity, jealousy, and major competition.

You know you've either experienced it or done it at one time.

In doing some research about friendships, I've come to learn that women struggle at maintaining friendships. Why is that (especially when we long for it so much)?

Women throw themselves 100% into relationships with friends, whereas men do not. 

For example, a woman puts all her trust in a another woman who betrays that trust, and that's where the hurt and distrust begins. After this happens a few times, a woman becomes very cautious about who she befriends, and then, still holds stuff back.

Women's friendships are definitely more emotional and also encompass every area of their life. Because of this, more drama can ensue.

But, let me tell you this thing I do know ... girlfriends are so much fun and we need them for support and companionship.

There's the dilemma.

So, I guess we (I) need to step out and take a risk on someone or a few someones who we (I) have that special connection and bond with. We girls need each other.

Oh, and I also found out that having good friends make us healthier. Being able to connect with women on various emotional levels can assist in lowering blood pressure and stress levels, heart rate, and cholesterol according to scientists. The more friends a woman has, the less likely she is to develop health problems as she becomes older. Therefore, more friends equal more joy.

The point is, no matter how we (I) feel, we (I) actually NEED friends in our lives. I have, for so long, shied away from developing close friendships because of past betrayals. Yes, I am more cautious with who I trust with stuff. I have learned that lesson. But, I know I need to take more risks with those I do trust. And, friendship is hard work, but it's worth it in the long run.

Thank you, Lord for the good friends I do have. Help me to be more trusting and open with them. Help me to be a good friend in return.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV):  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

Proverbs 18:24, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (MSG)


Jodie said...

So true. We've all experienced the sting. I'm very cautious and take sometimes years to develop a real friendship with people. I have reached a point though, where I value it SO MUCH. The people in my life that I trust have affected me in such a way that I never want to be without them... even when we hurt each other by accident.
Good stuff here, Mama.

Jules from "The Roost" said...

You are so right! Insure, jealous women raise those kind of girls...That is why it is so important to grow in Christ ourselves! Great post!

sara said...

great post!!! I am so blessed with great friends, that stand with me through the thick and thin.

Tammy said...

This is such an area that I struggle with. I was never the pretty girl growing up, I was the athletic girl. Because of stereotypes, I felt like an outcast.

I now have a daughter and a son. I struggle with the fact that my daughter worries about other girls not liking her and feeling as though she must take toys to school so "they will play with me".

It's hard and not fair. I just pray for wisdom.

Excellent post.

Sara@ Butterville said...

Have you been reading my journal? I have been thinking a lot about this one. I have a very difficult time trusting. I haven't had a "best" friend in years. She broke my heart and I never got the chance to know why. I am finally in a place where I feel willing to risk...I'm just waiting for the GO.

blessedwith5 said...

I couldn't agree more! WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!

I have had a few friends that seem to carry those hate daggars. The hurt from those who were SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND was unbearable.

Most woman do give 100% of their selves to friendships . . . then there are those who choose to search out every opportunity to take advantage of you.

I find that I am much more cautious with personal relationships now that I used to be.

I love the verses you included in this post!

Thanks Dear Friend!

Rachel said...

This is a great post! I'm SO glad you're my bloggy friend!

Poor K Belle. Tell her your bloggy buddies think she is adorable and LOVE her hair and a little prayer for the mean girls goes a long way.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

You so nailed it! And I DON'T know what it is that way! Thanks for this's a good reminder of what friend I want to be!

BTW...I need to drop some rocks also!

Windy said...

Little girls (from about 8 y/o until...) are so vicious! When my middle girl was in 2nd grade, I found out that some of the "mean girls" were checking the tags in clothing every morning and making fun of the girls who didn't have name brand lables. My oldest is in HS and when you add boys to the mix, it is scary.
Pray. Hard.
Make sure you let them know that they are not the one with the problem.

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Ughh - female relationship ships really truly are complicated. I am the kind of girl who is friendly to alot of women, I call them my friends, but never really feel like I am a part of the group. It takes alot for me to really get close to some one. I can count on one hand the number of girlfriends I would feel comfortable calling if I was really having a bad day and desperatly needed a friend.
Great insights!

12-arrows said...

I hear you on the "girl drama". It started in K here and continues, now 5th grade. I talk with my daughter everyday about friendships, what they are, what they mean, how to become a good friend, etc. Its exhausting. I have seen, as you, this drama in action and its not pretty, not one single bit. You are right we do need girlfriends, yet after getting hurt you tend to hold women at arms length out of fear and even rejection. Thanks for your post. I really appreciated your insights.

Aspiemom said...

We moved to another state over a year ago and I've been so lonely since we moved. It's just so hard to make new friends, especially when you aren't getting out a lot. Thank God for my cell phone so I can call my "old friends" and family. And I'm thankful for some bloggy friends.

I learn so much from reading others' blogs each day. New lessons and old lessons reinforced. Thanks for this reminder.

Birdie said...

Wonderful post. So very true. Makes me glad I'm not a kid anymore, that's for sure. A an adult I've never had trouble in any of my female friendships, ever - thank the Lord. I'm naturally trusting when it comes to women but I've always avoided those who seem they'll suck the life out me in one way or another. In general it's the men that I don't trust...them or their motives.

Tiff said...

This is one of my favorite posts ever, thanks so much for letting me know that I'm not the only one that struggles with this.
I've lived here for 6 years and still haven't made one single real friend. So I cling to my friendships online and back home but it would be so wonderful to have some girlfriends to do fun things with locally!

blessedwith5 said...

That's weird I just saw my comment posted twice up above. Oh Well I guess I should blame Murphy's law - if it can happen, it will happen to me! ha ha

I agree about not paying for the sauces! Craziness . . . besides carrying around TP for just in case purposes, we are all going to have to add ketchup and honey mustard to our car survival kits!

Hugs Dear Friend!

Lula! said...

GIRL...this was soooooo good.

You are on a genius roll this week, I must say.

Soliloquy said...


2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Because I'm such an independent person, for many years, I felt I didn't need the friendships of women. They felt smothering to me. Now, in my 40s, my friends mean the world to me, don't know what I'd do without them. I don't know what changed, but something did. Thanks for sharing in such a vulnerable way.

NinjaPrincess said...

Great post!