Thursday, August 21, 2008

I'm in a Battle! (Apology to Any Male Readers ... Just Skip this One!)

I have a war going on inside me. 

I have posted before about my spiritual mind battle I deal with every day. That's not what this is about.

The battle inside me is a physical one. 

A sixteen-year-old against a forty-six-year-old. I'm in-between there somewhere.

You say, "HUH?"

Let me explain.

The sixteen-year-old says ... 
"You need a few zits on your face."
While the forty-six-year-old says ...
"How 'bout some fine lines around those eyes?"

"Here's your normal period."
"Let's add some more weird, irregular, pre-menopausal stuff to your cycle. Just for fun ... make sure you're prepared every day for the unexpected."

"Your breasts are just fine. Don't worry."
"I will require you to wear a bra at all times. No Exceptions!"

"Don't forget to shave your legs."
"Make sure you check every possible surface of this ol' body for random hair growth. Bring your tweezers everywhere, especially the vehicle (only good lighting is there)."

"The sit-ups are really working. Keep it up."
"Girl, you might as well give those sit-ups up. What a waste of time. That baby jelly belly is never going away. Just remember the phrase "tummy control" when shopping for undergarments."

"I am freezing."
"What are you trying to do ... suffocate me? Throw those covers off, girl."

"You have got so much energy. You are fit and in shape."
"Are you trying to kill me? Just give up. It's not worth it. I'm going to swell your knee up if you don't stop. Just try me."

I just hope that I am like Sally O'Malley when I'm 50.


Jeanette said...

I thought I was the only one that heard those voices?! Love the video - it had totally forgotten about Sally!


Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Glad to know I'm in good company...especially with the tweezer thing. Yikes...the hair removal takes a huge amount of my time. :)

Drama Mama said...

I'm in trouble- cause I know I am older than you- So, my body must be like 60'ish!
I take my One a Day vitamins religously though- that has got to be worth something!

Lula! said...

This is SO good. SO GOOD! You are brilliant. And all of it pure truth!

No, it's not about vampires. One of the main characters happens to be a vampire, but it's truly a love story. The best love story. So good...I promise. Very entertaining, very clean, very romantic...and lots of swooning on the reader's part.

Read this:

It was my post the day after I finished the 4th and final book, or as I like to call it, "The Most Emotional Day I've Had All Year."

I would never steer you wrong, I promise!

~T. said...

This was #6 on my recent meme, obsessing about getting older to the point of distraction. You're definitely not alone in this battle!
I want to be one of those women that is comfortable in her own skin, no matter what age, but am having the biggest struggle with it.

jennifer said...

You are so right about the car being the right light for pluckage. The Sally O Malley thing was F U N N Y!! Oh my word!


jennifer said...

I keep losing you and refinding (its a word) you. Well I can take care of THAT little problem! I am adding you to my blogroll.

Be blessed.


Becky @ Boys Rule My Life said...

Girl, you are so funny! I love how you use humor to talk about true daily life!! Great read! Thanks for the smiles as always!

Andrea said...

That is hilarious!!!

MissMossyPond said...

Hi Mama Belle..I can't recall at the moment just how I found your blog, but I'm glad I did! I'm new to blogging (hoping to get good at it), but when I read this blog and watched Salley O'Malley..I had to comment! lol I will be turning 50 in a few months..and like many am just baffled as to how this has happened! lol Wasn't it yesterday I was rocking the babies and being the chf cook and bottle washer for a family of 6! Anyway..the video just made my day and I even posted it on my myspace page..assuring everyone that at the bash, I will be just like Sally!! lol Can't wait! Thanks again ..Love your blog and look forward to reading it daily.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

completely ingenius. Really, really witty.